After false starts in my first two auctions of the year, CBS and LABR, I came to Tout Wars possessed, determined to spend all of my auction dollars at any cost, willing to eradicate any obstacle or distraction in my path, ready to slaughter baby seals and knock over old ladies if it really came down to it. Heck, I even knocked one over upon arrival at Penn Station just for practice. (Sorry, ma’am, but fantasy baseball is serious business. I’m famous and have an equally famous-at-this-point dilemma, so you really have no one to blame but yourself. And I didn’t appreciate the profanity.)
It came as little surprise, then, that I purchased three of the first six players thrown out. Some asked whether this was intentional. Others questioned my sanity in spending so much so soon. To both, I responded, “Mwahaha, I am King Midas; I want not for money!!”. Then I snapped back to what I realized was reality (possibly proving the latter questioners correct in the process, in part because of the delusion, in part because my response really wasn’t relevant to the former’s question at all) and calmly explained that Ryan Braun, Clayton Kershaw, and Buster Posey just happened to be the three big ticket items that I was targeting, expecting each to come at a significant bargain, and all three happened to be nominated immediately. Between the three I calculated a $21 profit, so I was off to an excellent start.
Of course, shellacking $101 on the table in the first two minutes meant I’d have to sit around picking my nose for a while before I could buy my next player, which was fine, since my issue was never finding bargains (although doing so in Tout Wars is as difficult a task as they come. There’s actually been evidence, recently uncovered, to suggest Heracles was tasked with doing so as one of his 12 Labours, but then the macho egos of the Greeks — ironic, given their proclivity towards little boys and goats — saw fit to strike it from the history books and replace it with some bullshit story about fighting a hydra.)
Okay, bourbon run, check out my roster until I get back…
|BN (Like, everywhere)||Brent Lillibridge||R3|
|BN (SP)||Tim Stauffer||R1|
|BN (SP)||Jason Marquis||R2|
|BN (SP)||Kyle McPherson||R4|
…ah, that’s the ticket.
Overall, I’m very pleased with my roster. Finding bargains was certainly difficult — some players who I was sure I’d be handing a pinny to slipped through my fingers; others I had to swallow my pride and go the extra few dollars for — but I really like the look of my team on the whole. Perhaps my greatest point of pride, aside from my hair, my abs, my charm, my… oh, yeah, sorry, was that I was able to put together a team with the league’s best hitter, pitcher, and catcher and still not have a single real, Yorvit-Torrealba-sized hole on my roster. The closest is Nolan Arenado, who will begin the season in the minors, and has excellent skills and a spot waiting for him. Beachy and Marcum will start the season on the DL, but I’m confident in my ability to stream pitchers in their wake.
Gerardo Parra really rustles my jimmies. I got him for $8 in LABR but spent double in Tout; I have him valued at $17. The Adam Eaton injury the day before Tout, however, apparently caused his market value to skyrocket, even if his actual value didn’t change much (he was pretty much a lock for 500 AB and $15 value to begin with).
On the strong side of a platoon and with monster power, Juan Francisco is exactly the kind of player that gets me hard in an AL/NL-only league. These types of players are perpetually undervalued, and I’m happy to scoop them up for dimes on the dollar (I don’t think I’ve ever heard dimes substituted for pennies in this phrase before, but I’m all about factuality, and pennies would indicate that Francisco was worth somewhere in the neighborhood of $130, so, yeah, deal with it.)
My drafting of three catchers was questioned, but Todd Zola drafted four last year and managed to spin a couple off in-season for solid value. This wasn’t the plan, but with quality players running out and the Welington Castillo bidding stopping at $3 (I had him valued at $9), I bumped it up a buck and wound up with him. No regrets, especially if I can one of my backstops to a catching-starved team in a couple months.
I don’t see this team as a runaway champion, but I definitely feel like I’ll be in the discussion come September, especially if I can catch a few breaks.